Thoughts on 'Crucial Conversations'

Some background

Over the years, I’ve been asked for book recommendations, and many come to mind depending on the topic at hand. However, one that I consistently recommend is ‘Crucial Conversations’ by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. I’ve really drawn a lot of value from this book, and I thought I’d share some of my thoughts on it here and whether I think you should read it.

Why I read it

First, why did I read it at all? It was at a time in my career when I started taking on more of a formal leadership role and naturally started getting involved in higher-level conversations with more at stake - ranging from project delivery problems and team member issues and concerns to stakeholder expectation management. While I had worked my way through those situations, I felt that I lacked some foundational thinking around how to tackle these types of conversations.

It was at this point that my manager at the time recommended this book to me. I was a bit skeptical at first, but a few pages in, I was hooked. I devoured the book in no time at all and enjoyed every bit of it. It’s a great, entertaining read that effortlessly imparts some nuggets of wisdom that you can take with you in both your professional and personal life!

Some key takeaways

Here are a few of the ‘nuggets of wisdom’ that I took away from the book:

Focus on the goal

Instead of focusing on ‘winning’ in a conflict situation, focus instead on working towards what you want. Those might sound like they are the same thing, but conflict is not a zero-sum game. All parties involved can get what they want if everyone is open to alternatives, even if some options might require more flexibility to get there.

Set the scene: Goal alignment

While conflict may initially arise because people believe they are on opposing sides, in a lot of situations in business (and often in personal life, too), you are actually working for the same cause or purpose. It can be immensely useful to establish that mutual goal and discuss how the ‘asks’ of each side of the conflict are moving everyone closer to that goal. In doing so, it can clarify how to resolve the conflict where both sides get what they want, and sometimes it might even dissolve one or more of the ‘asks’ altogether as they don’t align with any goal at all.

Work with facts

Jumping to conclusions and making assumptions can turn what should be a simple discussion into an argument. Work with the facts, as best as you have observed them, and do not invent stories that may give you a false sense of the other parties’ intent. Instead, the facts you have observed and present can help the other side understand your point of view and clarify their intent themselves.

Should you read it?

If you’re looking to up your conversation skills, especially in driving difficult conflict situations towards an amicable conclusion, I highly recommend this read. That being said, even if you are only remotely interested in the topic, I would still recommend you give it a whirl! It’s relatively short (around 300 pages) and is a fun, easy read that won’t leave you disappointed.